Thursday, May 12, 2022

Session 23: It's Pizza Time

 This session was played May 7th. It lasted two days in game time.

it's pizza time

"B Team"

Gideon - Assassin 1

Gino - Assassin 1

Emryss - Druid 1



Before this session started I gave my players an article by Lewis Pulsipher called "Ready for Anything" that appeared in issue #69 of Dragon Magazine. I thought it had some pretty useful information that would inspire the PC's to do great things. 

This specific article is full of ideas on what materials to buy certain things in and why, how to combine magic spells and simple items to make useful gadgets, and also some defensive tips to keep the adventurers alive longer. 

Some specific highlights from it are: ceramic jars will break when thrown, iron ones will not; brining a horn is a useful signal or communication aid; colored dust and chalk to mark walls or throw on invisible enemies; and how to create a flashlight. 

Overall I think it is a very good to look at from both the DM's point of view and the Player's. Like iron sharpens iron, good players will make the DM sharper and vice-versa.


DAY 1 - MAY 7 

The session starts off with the PC's spending a few hours (game time) buying supplies, items, and hirelings. They meet a new adventurer named Emryss, an adventuring druid. (He's going to have to do a good job of keeping this a secret in the city, highly illegal stuff right there. Drews aren't liked much in the city.) They receive the potions they left to Bo' Jiden to be appraised. Luckily for them he was offering a discount, they turned in 5 potions to be identified and what they received was: a philter of love, oil of etherealness, oil of slipperiness, a potion of fire resistance, and a vial of poison.

orders from the "big guy"

The group is prepared to pay the price for the potions since they like Bo Jiden's substantial discounts. They also purchase leather bags that perfectly fit each vial and other glass containers.

The group intends to return to "The Pizza Basement" to continue their investigation. They decide to go later that night. They avoid any random city encounters and go unmolested save for the usual Krozpont shenanigans.

Gideon circles the home, noticing the window he smashed is still broken, and deciding that no one has been upstairs or even bothered to look around the house, he concludes it is safe to enter.

Inside, everything is the same. The main components of the house appear to be unused. Only the room with the basement trap door appears to be changed. The rug was retracted over the trap door in a slightly different location than before.
The party is itching to get into the basement and find some cheese pizza. Chadimir orders Yuri to go first, and he follows. The Moustache Gang, Wario and Waluigi go next, followed by Gino. Then Gideon and Emryss followed by Gideon's lumberjacks, Dexter and Harrison & recent hires Chunk and Chenk. 

Chunk and Chenk lead the way in the basement, followed by the lumberjacks. They light torches and make their way down the corridors slowly, as if someone might be down here right now. The party arrives at a door on the side of the corridor after about 20 minutes, which is only about 200 feet in dungeon delving speed. Gideon manages to push his hirelings out of the way and open the door.

Unfortunately, that startled a dozen giant cave rats behind the door. After a few rounds of combat, Chadimir Putin charges in rage at a rat, impales it onto his blade, brings it to his mouth, and takes a large bite out of it. Luckily for him, he passed his check for disease. Normally this is only checked when the rat bites the PC but I think a PC eating a raw rat warrants the role as-well. 

if he dies, he dies
After this the drew uses fairy fire on the remaining rats allowing the rest of the party to easily take them down. Too soon, Chunk gets hit by a rat and takes 4 damage, enough to render him unconscious. Chenk gets hit and takes 2 damage, and fails his roll on the disease table. After this, they are finally able to conclude the fight. 

Wario and Waluigi collect two of the rats. Gino later remarks that he wants to use them to make stink bomb. Decaying rats will surely do the job.

The exploration continued into the basement/cave beneath the home, but there was no evidence of Buttypeg or anybody else. That is, until they reach a corridor with four doors, presumably corresponding to four rooms.

Gino is about to open the farthest left door when he is stopped by the party who is about to open the first right door. Ouch. The door they opened led to a room in a barracks where about a dozen guards were taking a break. Six men-at-arms, a level 1 assassin, cleric, and fighter in total. The party is nervous and want to move away from the door. Luckily then win initiative. 

While the rest of the party is backing away, Gino comes running, oil flasks in hand, like a kamikaze pilot toward the open door to hurl the oil into the room. He throws one flask. One of the henchmen throws another but they are unable to light them. So for right now the enemies and their room are mostly covered in oil. 

Gino with oil flasks

Chenk wasn't able to get out of the room on his turn and the men-at-arms knock him down. The rest of the characters grab their equipment and move toward the party. End of turn.

The party is able to win initiative again. Gino throws his torch into the room, igniting the room and everyone in it. The stone room didn't burn so much as the flesh and feather beds of the people in it. I used the splash damage chart for flaming oil from the DMG and the splash damage and sustained burn from two oil flasks was enough to kill everyone in the room. 

As the party watched from down the hallway they heard screams in agony of men with their leather armor burning to their flesh or metal armor cooking them like a convection oven and being too hot to take off. These audible signs of extreme pain were followed by a few men-at-arms stumbling out of the room, each in their own unique way, some falling onto the floor writhing in pain; others holding onto the walls as support until they collapse.

When the heat died down the party searched the room and Gino found three ivory goats tucked away in an unlocked iron chest. Gideon took a set of chain-mail from the supply hanging on the wall and then left for the other rooms. 

These other rooms were mostly barren of interesting stuff save for some cultic robes & some used pizza boxes. All black with a line drawing of an owl. Unsure of what these robes meant, Gideon suggested the party each take one, and he took the remaining to distribute to the hirelings. The continue through all three other rooms in this hallway and each of them are filled with bunks and these cultic robes. One room however, has one bunk bed less than the others. The party spent some extra time investigating this room and found a hidden journal, and a secret passage.

krozpont's very own

The journal recounts events of how "'their boss' doesn't care about them at all. All he does is sit in his house with his lover and eat pizza." The secret passage leads into a hallway with a bend. As soon as Chadimir's steps into the hallway a loud shrieking noises echoes throughout the entire underground system they are in. The point of origin coming from directly in front of him, Chadimir sees a shrieker and charges it. 

The party is easily able to defeat the shrieker but at what cost? What did it alert? The party isn't taking any chances and wants to leave the basement ASAP. They follow the tunnel and find three urns filled with platinum coins, totaling 100 coins. (A make shift coin vault and alarm system). Fortunately for them the secret passage leads them back into the foyer after the ladder. The one where they encountered the orcs and the room with the four pillars.

As they run past the four pillars they notice there are statues carved into the pillars. The descriptions on the statues read:

"Kevin Spacley  - Honored for his role in promoting child acting."; "Harvatious Weinstein - Despite his drewish ancestry he has been an ardent supporter of women in drama."; "Dan Schneider - "Remembered for giving child actors jobs in award winning dramas and plays."; "Jawn Podesta - Dedicated his life to managing political projects aimed at helping the youth." 

These statues were commissioned by the J. Epp Conglomerate. 

Due to his hardline and fringe culture, Chadimir lead the party in writing and drawing anti-gay slurs and pictures on the wall, repeating over and over, "its Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!"

DAY 2 - MAY 8

After their graffitiing the basement, the party exits on the verge of daybreak. This is where the party ends the session.

After the session there were some rumors related to the parties activities. Loose lips sink ships and unfortunately for the party there seems to be a leaker. There have been rumors circling the city that some hirelings were hired by Russabelleans to assassinate a Krozpont official.

Additionally, horse stock is now being recommended by More On News since horses are in short supply and in high demand. Nobody knows where they can get one right now. If you have one, keep it safe and treat it gently.

$HORS to the moon

(Does that mean horse? We may never know.)


Monday, May 9, 2022

Session 21: Lions / Session 22: I Saw the Golden Horny Al-Mi'Raj

 Session 21: Lions was played April 24, 2022.


Hans - Fighter 3

Big Pimpin - Thief 2

Bluebow - Ranger 2

Toby McSquire - Paladin 1

Day 1 - April 24

The party started the adventuring day hiring a couple of linkboys and other hirelings to take with them back to the ruins to hopefully get the artifact for Mr. Crank. The leave in the afternoon and plan to get to the ruins by nightfall, make cap and rest so they are energized to explore the ruins in the morning. Unfortunately, lions. 


I could go into some detail about the fight, but I will just post a screenshot of the news and say the party was ill prepared and many lost their lives that day, including Big Pimpin.

That mostly sums up the session. It was a long, deadly battle and the party needed to recoup afterwards.


Total XP from 9 defeated lions: 4050 xp to be split by two people however they see fit.

Sunday, May 8, 2022

Session 20: "These Aren't Documents!"

 This session was played April 9th, 2022


Chadimer Putin - Assassin 1

Gideon - Assassin 1

Gino - Thief 1

Day 1 - April 9th -

This session starts off reconnecting with the ole B team. The team responsible for burning a boat in the harbor and escaping with a member of the Council for Citizen's Protection. The CCP has offered the party two jobs to prove themselves and show they truly care about the cause. The two options are: destroying some old documents pertaining to the King and his heritage in the Grand Archives; or discretely "get rid of" a government official named Pepen Buttypeg (he wears make-up) and steal his governmental seal.

After a short deliberation the party had their minds made up - they want to assassinate the Buttypeg.

an honest looking man

They ask for some information and learn that he frequents the Pizza Peddler, the Public Showers, and he is frequently seen with his right-hand man. Oh and, how could I forget, he wears make-up.

The three of them decide to go to the Pizza Peddler around 3pm to see if they can get any more information or find Buttypeg there himself. They arrive at and find the Peddler to be fairly crowded, there are about 50 -60 people here. It is filled with ping-pong tables to attract the city's youth and orphaned. They are advertising their special "Cheese Pizza" at a buy-one-get-one half-off rate - only for premium members, however.

They take a seat in one of the booths and survey the environment. They see a guy playing the flute in the corner. Chadimir goes over to speak with him to see if he can get any information out of him, he has varying results. The flute player comes to the Pizza Peddler twice a week to give live performances. They ask if he knows Buttypeg but he answers that he only sees him come in here from time to time and doesn't know anything outside of that. Chadimir presses for some more information and asks about his right-hand man and Pepen's wearing of make-up. Apparently, it is the thing to do if you are a noble and seeking high governmental office. Chadimir ends the conversation by asking him to play some music to which the flutist informs him he only plays public domain music. 

a child friendly establishment


The party decides to stake out the peddler and wait to see if Buttypeg comes in. While waiting they call over a waitress and ask her a few questions. They learn about a "back room" which offers an "all-you-can-eat menu." The problem is it costs over 100 gold per hour to dine in them. The back rooms raise many questions, but the party is too poor to afford to use them. They continue to wait in their booth. 

Luckily, he comes in. Pepen Buttypeg is accompanied by four bodyguards, and he is in fact wearing make-up. He tosses a handbag the owners and walks into the back rooms. 

The party develops a plan. Gideon will smoke outside the Pizza Peddler, Gino will wait around a local grocery market across the street, and Chadimir will wait in the Peddler and follow Pepen out and loudly cough to alert his companions. They wait over 5 hours.


Buttypeg finally leaves the establishment with his four bodyguards. He is visibly drunk, but he continues to a house and goes inside with his bodyguards. The party notes the location and leaves.

Day 2 - April 10th

They begin their day by looking for mercenaries, bouncers, or security guards to help them break into the house they found last night. They hire two fat plumbers Wario & Waluigi and a few Russabelleans named Yuri, Slavi, and Nikkita, as well as two Lumberjacks: Dexter and Harrison. 


Chadimir discretely puts a bunch of oil flasks into a backpack and gives it to Slavi, telling him that inside are very important and sensitive documents and in the case of emergencies he needs to burn the backpack. They discuss more plans and wait until nightfall before they approach the house again. 


Gideon decides to climb on top of the roof. He uses wall climbing abilities and passes twice to make it up 24ft and onto the roof. Chadimir waits for a long break in street traffic and attempts to pick the lock. He is successful. Meanwhile, up top, Gideon has learned of a chimney on the roof and a fireplace on the second floor. He also sees that the room is completely barren - save for cobwebs and cockroaches. 

A quick examination of the house reveals that it is entirely barren, both floors. The only thing of note they found was a simple rug covering a simple trap door to the cellar. They decided to go down.

They party comes to some gluttonous demons that are blind, deaf and dumb aimlessly wandering the caverns at the bottom of the ladder. They made quick work of them, but they were starting to get curious about what is going on down here. They then come to a door leading into a room with four pillars, and worse - 7 orcs. 

The fight starts off in the party's favor but soon sours. Yuri takes a large hit and goes down to -3 HP. Chadimir too, falls unconscious. If it wasn't for their mercenaries and bouncers and lumberjacks, they hired these orcs would have killed, enslaved, or worse to the party. But the party did hire them, so they were able to kill about half the orcs before Slavi gets hit.

Now when Slavi took an arrow to the shoulder he began to fear and remembered that he was ordered to burn the backpack with the documents in it, so he fled combat, he fled the room with four pillars into the hallway with the ladder and took his lit torch and lit the backpack. Naturally, he wanted to see if the inside contents had taken aflame, and he opened the pack. All the party heard next was "THESE AREN'T DOCUMENTS!" before a fiery explosion took his life.

these aren't documents

The party was able to kill 5 of 7 orcs. The remaining two fled on a failed moral check. The party searched the orcs and the room and found 5 potions & 10 gems. Two of three party members were a hit away from death, so they left the "house" for a later date.



35 electrums

10 gems [sell for 1420 gold]

5 potions [send to patron Joe Biden to be identified]